i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
