i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
