just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize