you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
