Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My ass is underappreciated
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize