google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize