So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
