Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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