we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
