well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize