Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
