dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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