He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
