It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
