and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
