My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
