i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
