I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
