either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
