Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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