you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
