I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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