So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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