I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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