I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
