you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
