God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
