Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
