I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
