apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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