Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
