i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
