Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
