when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
