shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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