apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
