He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
