MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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