And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
