JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
