I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize