I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
