I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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