Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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