sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
