I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
soo... how was my night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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