There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
