does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
