I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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