If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize