The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
