I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
