She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
