Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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