I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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