new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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