it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you inspire me to be a worse person
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
