He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
