Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
