im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
