..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
