I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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