You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
