If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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