The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
