That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize