I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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