Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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