Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
did i just pee glitter
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
