she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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