Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
