Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
