remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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