We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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