If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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