just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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