Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
