Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize