I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you had me at cake vodka
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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