By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
