Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
