Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
