Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
