also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
