it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's get the cat blown out
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
