I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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