Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
