I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
