Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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