Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
