Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
