you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize