She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
