The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
false alarm, still single
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