i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
