Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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